So you have a friend who can help out with your wedding. In the wedding industry, we often refer to these people as “friendors”. Some are professionals, some just have a knack for a specific area. Whatever the case is, the biggest reason people want to use friends is to cut costs. While it can be a money saving technique, there are some important things to consider before you give your friends the thumbs up.

Professional Status

Prior to taking any other steps, take a close look at your friend’s skillset. Just because they are artsy and love flowers does not make them a florist. If the task you’re outsourcing to them take time leading up to the wedding or after, be absolutely certain they have the time to dedicate to that. The last thing you want is for them to get busy with work and you’re waiting 6 months to get your wedding photos back.

That said, some people truly have professional level skills but simply haven’t made the leap to full-time work. You just need to know what your friend’s skillset is ahead of time so there are no surprises.

Sense of style

Do you truly have a sense of your friend or family member’s style? If you do and it’s aligned with your vision, excellent! But, if you are working with them simply to save money, ask yourself if it’s really worth it. There are so many amazing vendors out there with a wide range of pricing.

Get it in writing

This may seem awkward at first thought, but it’s really important to sit down with your friend or family member and put your expectations in writing, along with dates, deadlines etc. A few hours of weirdness is worth it to avoid any major bumps down the road. If neither of you are comfortable putting together a contract, you can work with a wedding planner to help draft one.

Communication is key

While it’s of course crucial to communicate with any vendor you work with, it’s especially true when you’re working with family and friends. It’s easy to assume they’ll know your taste because they know you in everyday life. Be extremely upfront with what you’re envisioning and create a vision board when applicable. This goes back to putting what you want in writing!

Working at your wedding

Are you ok with these friend and family members to be working on your wedding day? Even if it’s just decor—someone has to break it down at the end of the evening. If your friend has been drinking and partying with you, that’s going to be an issue during clean up.

Payment

Don’t assume your friendor wants to do the work for free. It’s vital to have this conversation at the start, and be honest with what you’re willing to pay based on what they’ve agreed to deliver. If they explicitly say they want to gift you their service, consider giving them a generous gift with a personal note after the big day.

Connect them with your planner early on

Even if you just have a day-of coordinator, it’s a good idea to introduce them to your friendors at the beginning. Planners know the right questions to ask and can help guide friendors, especially when they are not a professional.

Now that you’ve read about what to consider before you book friends as vendors, I thought it would be helpful to break down each vendor type with a YES or NO for hiring friendors!

Catering

No. Unless your friend owns her own professional catering company, I would advise against this. Catering companies that do weddings on a regular basis typically provide staff, and handle your rentals as well. You might love the food from a friend’s restaurant, but unless they are fully set up to do off-site catering, it’s going to be more trouble than it’s worth.

Bar

Maybe. If you have a friend who is a bartender for a living, this could work well. Something to keep in mind though is bartenders are not simply pouring drinks. They are also keeping the bar area tidy, recycling as bottles empty and racking glassware once the bar closes. Wedding bartending services also bring all of their own equipment. If you’re hiring a friend who does not have their own company, you could run into a problem with not having enough product or being short on glassware.

Flowers

Yes. As long as you go through the steps above and are with your friend not getting ready with you and have a plan for clean up, this could be a great thing!

Photography

No. Photographers are working the entire wedding day with no breaks, so unless you truly don’t care about this person being there to celebrate with you, avoid hiring a friendor for photos.

Cake

Yes. If you have a great baker friend or family member, hire away! Once the cake is assembled and put on display, it’s up to the caterers to cut it at dessert time.

DJ

Maybe. Like photographers, DJs are working the entire event. Additionally, professional wedding DJs are the MC for your evening as well and announce things like first dances and speeches. Generally, the DJ is the person reading the room and keeping the energy up all night. Have a candid conversation with your friend and make sure they’re comfortable with those duties.

Ceremony Music

Yes. If you have a talented singer/songwriter friend, this is a perfect way to involve them in your wedding day. Acoustic solo musicians work beautifully for a ceremony and can even play some light music as guests are taking their seats. Your wedding planner can easily work with them to give them the right cues as the processional is under way.

Wedding Favors

Yes. I’ve worked with lots of clients who have friends or family who want to contribute by making a little something for the end of the night. For my wedding, my aunt made homemade limoncello! Favors work well because if there is enough lead time, they can be done little by little. On the day of your wedding, there is no work for your friend to do!

If you are set on involving friendors in your wedding day, my best advice is to hire an experienced wedding planner to manage everyone! I’m here for all you New York couples. Let’s chat.